Village of Two

Our Story...

We are a family of two. I've been raising my daughter Hattie alone since she was born - with no extended family, no outside financial support and no steady stream of gifts and cards from relatives who want to spoil her. We are a single parent, single income family. We get by on what I earn. My work has always been as a manager in nonprofit organizations.

Hattie, thankfully, is a level-headed and grateful 11 year old kid. She is happy, talented and smart. She sings and accompanies herself on piano, studies modern dance, reads voraciously and is becoming an accomplished artist.

Bleak Igloo

When I agreed to pay for a Club Penguin membership for Hattie, it was on a trial basis for one month. Hattie informed me that when her membership expired recently, the Bank of Penguin instantly foreclosed on her igloo and cast her naked into the world again.
She's back to living in a one-room unfurnished igloo, with no wardrobe - and 6 hungry puffles to feed. Geez... and I thought March of the Penguins was harsh.
She explained that she would get back all her previous trappings of penguin affluence once her membership is renewed. So I guess for the time being the Bank of Penguin is simply holding her lavish lifestyle hostage.
Hattie complained to me recently about what a responsibility it was caring for 6 puffles. This was after I had warned her about the potential emotional and financial burden of having so many dependents. When I asked what would happen if she failed to adequately care for her puffles (they have to be fed, rested and played with in order to thrive), she said they would simply run away.
This got me to wondering if there's a significant population of homeless, puffle street-gangs in Club Penguin - who spend their days dealing drugs, hustling and selling repossessed penguin wardrobes on the black market. But Hattie assured me that she's never seen a single puffle wandering the streets of Club Penguin alone.
So I can only assume that neglected puffles must be routinely taken into state custody - by something equivalent to the Department of Penguin Services. If a negligent penguin arrives home and discovers their neglected puffles missing, it's mostly likely the work of penguin social workers. I'm comforted to know that neglected puffles are probably finding better circumstances with caring foster penguins.

Club Penguin Membership Has it's Privileges

Hattie begged me for weeks to allow her to have a membership in Club Penguin. I grilled her mercilessly about the benefits of membership before I agreed to cave to her request - and learned some fascinating things about this Antarctic playground in the process. It turns out that Club Penguin is just like the real world... full of class issues.
You can immediately tell the penguins who aren't paying members, because they're destined to waddle everywhere naked, their pathetic little igloos remain unfurnished and they're subject to the Club Penguin version of state imposed population control (you can't own more than 2 puffles).
That's right, while anyone can have a penguin identity in Club Penguin, if you really want to be a penguin of distinction you have to pay. And now that Hattie has club membership she's living the penguin high life... a split level igloo with a fireplace, a full living room set, a stocked fridge, a wardrobe with wigs that would make a drag queen woozy, and 6 little furry puffles to call her own.

Club Penguin - Tales from the Tween Tundra

Hattie has recently been hanging out with her friends in Club Penguin. For those who have never heard of this parallel universe, Club Penguin is a social networking website for the 7-14 year old set. Visitors and members of Club Penguin assume a cute and colorful penguin identity and waddle around in their virtual world inviting other penguins to be their friends, playing games, decorating their igloos, taking the occasional part-time job, going on clothes shopping sprees and caring for furry little pets called 'puffles'. While Club Penguin seems to be a fairly safe and well-monitored site, I can't help feeling that somewhere in this virtual world there's a 48 year old penguin waddling around in a trenchcoat who lives in the igloo at the edge of town.

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Our Backstory...

November 1998
Hattie was two and we were living in Boston, where I was working for a large nationally known nonprofit. The environmental pollution of our urban surroundings had been causing me to have severe and chronic sinus infections. I decided to move us to Maine which was cleaner, and where I had lived before Hattie was born. I was offered a job with a nonprofit organization in Maine and we relocated. The sinus infections cleared up immediately.

January 2002
Firmly settled in Maine and just weeks away from closing on our first house, I was suddenly downsized at the organization where I had been employed. The organization's budget was cut and my job and department disappeared overnight. Desperate and unemployed, but determined to give us a home of our own, I went ahead and signed the closing papers on our house three weeks later.

February 2002
Less than a month later, I applied for a job at another nonprofit organization 75 miles from our new home and was hired immediately. That's where I stayed for the next 5 and 1/2 years, commuting 150 miles round trip every day to an increasingly hellish job to support our family of two. By hellish, I mean the kind of work environment where the senior management leaves competent, dedicated employees looking over their shoulders wondering if each day is their last. For 5 and 1/2 years at least one person remarked every day that I must be crazy to commute to such a miserable job so far from home.

June 2007
I finally accepted a job at another nonprofit much closer to home. The new job, I quickly learned from the few employees left there, was under the direction of a certified lunatic who's been driving employees away in droves for the past year. I resigned after 6 weeks, determined not to see myself stuck in yet another dreadful, soul-sucking work environment, at the mercy of a nutcase. The remaining employees and many personal friends continue to express their congratulations to me for having the courage to leave.

August 2007
I'm searching for a new job so we don't lose everything I've worked for since Hattie was born.

September 2007
Still searching for a job. I'll soon be tapping into the small amount I managed to accumulate in a retirement account from the job I left in June. That won't last long.

October 2007
I received a job offer in the public health field and went back to work full time in October. I miss the freedom of unemployment.

Surviving the Uncivilized Workplace

My new favorite author and expert on jerks in the workplace is Bob Sutton. His latest book is called "The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't". For many people, reading this book is like reading the personal memoirs of our worst workplace nightmares.

Throughout my working life, including the above mentioned hellholes, I've developed a certain cachet as being a "great boss". It turns out the best kept secret to being a good boss is this - treat people nicely, and with respect. That's it. You'd think this would be common sense to people in management, but apparently managers get so caught up and full of themselves being "Bosses" that they lose sight of how to effectively manage people.

The best rules a manager can follow are to be kind, be clear with expectations and "do no harm". It's amazing how much you can get out of employees who are treated well and understand what's expected of them.

What's management like in your workplace?
Take the poll on the right to see the status of assholes in the workplace for Village of Two visitors.

Job Search Journal

8-23-07
It's been just over 2 weeks since I resigned. So far I've received calls on three jobs I sent out resumes for and all were offering a salary way below our minimum need for basic survival.

I had an interview last week for a job with an organizaton I'd love to work for. The principal interviewer, their VP of Development, was clearly looking for another development/fundraising professional for the job - why they interviewed me is a mystery.

I was called today to interview next week with a nationally known public opinion and market research firm. I have no idea what they're offering for salary. I hope they're not assholes.

8-25-07
I finally heard back from the nonprofit I interviewed with a couple weeks ago. As predicted, they offered the job to a candidate with significant development background. On the plus side, they told me they were "blown away" by my resume and experience and hope to "cross paths" with me in the future... but still no job.

I've begun to pepper the earth with my resume. I continually dream of being able to take the kind of job that pays crap and allows me to go home at the end of the day without ever thinking about work. I envy Starbucks employees.
Apparently others are also craving more than the coffee at Starbucks... check out this story Life Changes, With a Latte to Go - AOL Money & Finance

8-28-07
I had the interview today with the market research firm. I was interviewed by the director/founder - a really nice woman, who's done well for herself. She mentioned how excited she was about my resume. It turns out a very big client of hers was a public health agency that funded a program I managed in Massachusetts. She also did market research for someone at a Maine state agency who's on my reference list. Small world. Unfortunately, the salary for the job is about $12,000. too low for us.

The salary issue is not about being picky - it's a big deal in our world. If I take a job that doesn't pay enough, it can mean instant financial crisis... i.e. not enough for the mortgage, food and basics.

8-30-07
I've noticed a couple of significant things since I've been immersed in this job search. The first is that there are a ton of jobs out there that require you to know and do things I'm completely clueless about. For instance, I saw this ad recently...
SE II -- Axapta
This position is responsible for coordination of all Production, Development and Test instances in support of the Axapta JMS ERP implementation and on-going systems support. The candidate will need to have an in depth knowledge and understanding of the JMS business processes as well as the Axapta application modules.

What the hell is that? And there are people who do this for a living?

The other thing I've noticed is that when you're in a prolonged job search, after a while you tend to develop a twisted perception of your capabilites and experience. So you start responding to some of those job ads that you're clueless about.
For instance, I saw this ad - and thought I might be good at it...
Senior Risk Manager
Reporting to the Manager of Risk Management, the Senior Risk Manager will provide support and assistance for all risk management activities. The Senior Risk Manager will interact closely with physician insureds, facilities and other Company associates. The Senior Risk Manager will be a significant contributor to the effective and efficient operation of day to-day risk management functions.

I have no idea what a Senior Risk Manager is - but I figure since I'm a single parent who just quit 2 jobs in the last couple of months, I'm no stranger to the concept of risk.

8-31-07
I got a call yesterday for an interview next week. The job is a grant-funded municipal position doing public health prevention related work, similar to some work I've done in the past.

My favorite, and most bewildering job title discovered while scanning job websites today was "Organic Search Marketing and Analytics Manager". It had nothing to do with whole foods.

9-2-07
I continue to crank out resumes daily. I've sent out so many that I worry about emailing cover letters and resumes to places I may have already sent them. I'm sure they'll never hire me if they suspect I have dementia.
I've given myself permission to take Labor Day off from job searching to spend it with Hattie. We're going out of town for a final mom/kid summer fling before school starts in a couple days.

9-10-07
I interviewed end of last week for the previously mentioned municipal public health position. It's a newly created, grant-funded position which looks pretty darn interesting, though the salary is a little on the low side for me. I'd probably try to negotiate higher if it were offered to me - problem is, this would be really plum position for someone who's already a municipal public health division employee. I figure they've got to have a couple of internal candidates vying for this job.

9-13-07
Had the first viable preliminary job offer today. To my surprise, it turns out I'm the top candidate for the public health position. Hey, who knew?? I got a phone call in the middle of a Rosh Hashanah service Hattie and I were attending today. And lucky for me, this was a prime opportunity to take a break from an interminably long high holiday service. It was one of the interviewers wanting to discuss some of the details of the job further and to see if I'm still interested. I said I was. So Happy Jewish New Year to me! The formal job offer doesn't happen until next week and I need to think about it more over the weekend. They certainly seem like decent, hard-working and professional public health types. My biggest concern at this point is that I don't find myself reporting to anyone who's a major asshole, or clinically insane. If only there were some sort of test for that...

9-19-07
Well it's official... today I was formally offered, and accepted the public health position. Essentially it means I'll be coordinating tobacco control related policy and resources throughout a heavily populated county in southern Maine. I start in October, so I still get to pretend I'm a stay-at-home mom for a few more weeks.
Having this job offer on the table did not prevent me from attending an entertaining Job Fair earlier this week where I asked employers to share their thoughts about assholes in the workplace, and other important work/life issues. I got an earful, until I was politely asked to leave by the event's organizer.

The Working Stiff

10-2-07
My new job starts in one week. While negotiating the terms of my new employment, I decided not to waste any time in outlining my need for flexibility in my schedule. After 5 and 1/2 years of arranging our lives around my three hour daily commute, I'm determined not to let another job interfere that significantly with our personal lives.
I've already explained to my new supervisor (who by the way appears to be about 20-25 years my junior) that Hattie has activities after school a couple days a week that require my transportation services. I've proposed to leave work mid-afternoon on those days, fulfill my chauffering duties and return to work. She seems to be on board with this plan and didn't offer any resistance - so I guess I'll just have to see how this plays out in real time.

10-15-07
I've been at the new job for one week now... and so far so good. My job and some other positions in the office were newly created due to recent grant funding. The grant resulted in a shifting of positions and staffing needs, and as best I can tell, the person I report to was given some supervisory responsibility in that shift. She's young and relatively green as a supervisor, and frankly I consider that a big plus. She never even had the opportunity to get caught up in a power and status bid, or been a supervisor long enough to develop any nasty boss habits. She's kind of like a clean supervisory slate. I like that.

Hattie Weighs In

8-30-07
Ever since my mom resigned from her job a few weeks ago, I've been worried. I can see that finding a job with a non-profit organization and a high enough salary is not easy work. She spends about all day on the computer looking for jobs, answering phone calls, and occasionally going to an interview.

Being a single income family can be challenging, I guess. I never get spoiled, that's for sure. There's always something new that I want but "we just don't have enough money for at the moment." At least we have enough money for food, clothes, house, and all the other regular everyday things plus more, so it's really okay.

9-6-07
My mom picked me up from my new middle school today. After I told her about my day, I asked her about her interview she had this morning. She didn't sound very enthusiastic about it. I guess the interview went okay, but she says she would be surprised if she got the job because she thinks that people already working at the place would find it very appealing and one of them would probably apply and get the job.

9-7-07
Today was the last day of my first week of middle school. It's been very exciting but also very different. Like today at lunch, for some reason my 6th grade was mixed together with 7th and 8th graders. My class came into the cafeteria last and all the 7th and 8th graders were spread out so it was impossible to find somewhere to sit with all your 6th grade buddies. Finally, I found a spot to sit down with two other 6th graders, surrounded by 7th and 8th graders, who completely ignored us. I wonder what they felt like when they were 6th graders?

9-11-07
My mom really likes to look for jobs around the clock. Last night I woke up to go to the bathroom around 2:45 am and she's on the computer, looking for jobs. I ask her, "Mom, why are you up right now?" she says simply, "I can't go back to sleep." Who the heck job-searches in the middle of the night????!!!!!!! I told her she needs a sleeping pill.

9-23-07
My mom got a job! Maybe that middle-of-the-night-searching paid off. I asked her if she was excited about starting it, but she said, "Not really." She's probably afraid that that there's going to be some jerks at the new workplace.

There's a table in the cafeteria at my school that has a sign that says "Peanut free table." All the kids in the 6th, 7th, and 8th grades who have peanut allergies have to sit there, whether they like it or not. The kids at the table all look really glum, they never talk to each other. They just sit there, stare down and eat their lunch. Having a peanut allergy must suck.

11-25-07
The first school dance of the year took place a few weeks ago at my school. I had alot of fun, boogeying with my friends and slow-dancing with boys. It was interesting to see that the 6th graders were having the most fun, because after the first few dances, the 7th and 8th graders started sitting down to talk to their friends. I guess it didn't really matter though, because it left more room for us to dance. The 6th graders had the most energy, and the best dance moves. What can I say? Sixth graders rock my middle school!!!!!!!

Well At Least We Have Our Health

Hattie and I have been without health insurance since January 1, 2004. Apparently we have lots of company, as the latest figure on uninsured Americans shows that there are now 47 million of us. And 9 million of those uninsured are children.

I tried for a year and a half to maintain health coverage for us at the job from hell I left in June. But after trying to pay a monthly insurance premium that was the equivalent of a second mortgage, and debating daily over whether to buy groceries or pay the insurance, I finally had to admit financial defeat and drop the policy. I agonized for 6 months before I made the decision to actually drop it. My employer (under the direction of assholes as you may recall) was completely unsympathetic to the plight of employees facing these difficult choices. At one point, HR threatened to "force" employees to enroll in the company plan if they weren't covered elsewhere through a spouse's plan. In a panic, I consulted a lawyer to see if they could actually do this, and was assured they couldn't. They never made good on their threat.

Our first year without health coverage was scary. I explored every possible resource I could think of to try to get affordable health care for me and Hattie. I was well over the income level for Medicaid, so that was out of the question for either of us. I couldn't believe that I lived in a state that allowed children to go without health coverage. I sent emails and links to the Governor and his health policy wonks showing how other states sponsored creative programs that enabled working parents to have access to affordable coverage for their kids regardless of income level. I never got a response.

Since my family has significant breast cancer history, I'm considered high risk. In the midst of a 'lump scare' in November of 2003 I was told by a breast cancer specialist that I should have an MRI every 6 months because of my risk factor. MRIs cost $1000. a pop in 2003, probably even more now. I had an MRI that November, and two months later I dropped our insurance and went three years without even a simple mammogram. Then in mid 2006, I briefly enrolled myself (but not Hattie) in my employer 's health plan just so I could get a mammogram, pap smear and other tests and health care I'd been forgoing for three years. The premium for enrolling as an individual I discovered, is dramatically lower than enrolling as an individual plus a dependent. However the price on my conscience at not being able to enroll Hattie was way higher. The tests by the way, all came out clear.

Now that I'm unemployed, in the bigger scheme of problems to worry about, health insurance barely even registers on the richter of important issues. I've gotten so used to our being uninsured that I no longer wake up in a 'what if we have a major health crisis' paroxysm - however I do pray a lot more than I used to.

Make no mistake about it - I'm still thoroughly disgusted that I live in a state and country that denies its citizens access to affordable health care.

Nov 07
Although I'm employed full-time again, Hattie is still uninsured. Turns out my new employer offers insurance that covers employees at no cost, but I still can't afford the monthly cost of insuring a dependent. I'm opting to contribute instead to a pre-tax Flexible Benefits Heath Plan which will help pay for some of the out-of-pocket costs for Hattie's health care, and continue to pray that we don't experience any catastrophic health nightmares.

Hattie and I watched Michael Moore's film "Sicko" together today. I cried, Hattie asked me if maybe we should think about moving to another country.